Only an Irishman could come up with the term “ A Festivus for the Rest of us “ Dan O’Keefe, Seinfeld writer stole Festivus from his father Daniel back in the 90’s and gifted it to the Masses via the Costanza anti-holiday tradition we all know and love. The O.G Festivus seems to have been able to be celebrated at anytime and I like that. Last week during NBC Sports (Boston’s Sports Tonight) show, Tome Curran brought up (during the now nightly segment what’s wrong with the Pats) the grievances that all involved need to sit down and iron out. So let’s do that people – lets Show Bill, Tom, Gronk and Bob Kraft the way back to Peace and Harmony. Through the joyous celebration of Festivus.
The Festivus Pole: The Patriots have two to choose from – one at each end of Gillette stadium. As I gather the children at the 50 I point to the one with FIVE banners that hang behind it. The strength to weight ratio it took to hang these banners is immersible, letting them know: this bull shit ends today and will not rip these down.
The Festivus Dinner: walk your asses over to Davio’s, sit down and have a nice steak (personally I’d head down to Fred and Steve’s at Twin River, but thats me and I don’t feel like yelling into the back seat I’ll turn this car around so Davio’s it is).
Robert, no owner in history has done what you’ve done. Bill, you may be the greatest coach the NFL has ever seen. Tommy is the greatest QB in NFL History and Rob has the chance to be the greatest Tight End in NFL history. None if you are where you are without the person sitting to either side of you.
The Airing of the Grievances :Here we go .
“ I’ve got a Lot of Problems with you people “
Robert: you put this thing together. You reached into pocket and built this joint, you okayed and trusted the man at your right enough to trade off the # 1 pick in the NFL draft for the man at your left, the199th pick. Keep doing what you do best – cheer from your box and let Bill run the patriots.
Gronk stop fidgeting and I’ll get to you – here, color a place-mat.
Tom: Bill doesn’t treat you any differently now than he did when you walked through that door as the 199th pick. And NOW that bothers you? Too bad. Treating you like everyone else is part of what keeps this team winning, it lets everyone know when you walk through these doors everyone is in the same boat rowing in the same direction.. You don’t like having your personal trainer here? You should have told him to stop interfering with The “Patriots” Training Staff. This team is not your walking billboard for TB12. You want to feel appreciated? There are throngs of fans out there, enjoy their adulation. This team just traded away a your replacement – if that isn’t appreciation, I don’t know what is. Don’t think so? Ask Montana or Favre.
Gronk: That’s a very nice beer can you colored there. I don’t know anyone on the planet that has more fun than you do – Vegas Party trips, Booze Cruises the Kentucky Derby – you’re the poster boy for Fun. No one ever promised you work would be fun, this team handed you a contract that gave you financial security for the rest of your life early on in your career – didn’t hear you bitching back then. The team tweaked and bumped it to put even more cash in your pocket last year when they didn’t have to. Flip over the paper you were coloring. It’s your old contract. Here are your new contracts, One is a 4 year deal beginning with a bump this season for 48 million – all guaranteed. The second is a 4 year deal for 60 million, with nothing guaranteed. Sign one or the other, knock off the Bull Shit or please go try acting or wrestling. This team isn’t trading you.
Bill Yeah, hi Bill, thanks for coming. This is your team to run, run it anyway you want, but lighten the hell up and let Tom get his rubdowns.
I think we all know who at this sit down will win the feats of strength, so let’s just move onto the last part of this little holiday get together.
Brady comes to the understanding that this team is not his personal pool of customers.
Gronk inks one of the two deals and drives off in his party bus.
Bob decides maybe it’s time to get his pilot’s licence,
And Bill, well he has a message for the rest of us
It’s A Festivus Miracle
As always you can follow/give me grief on Twitter @Tmurph207